Transformation

- Madison Osgood

What’s Holding You Back From Reaching Your Goals and How to Move Beyond It 

Why is it that setting goals is easy for us, but committing to them is so challenging? We can know exactly what we want, or rather, what we don’t want - and yet, something holds us back from getting it. The drive is there, but no matter what we do, there is something standing in the way. A roadblock - and it’s causing our transformation to feel just out of reach.

Let’s paint a picture; a woman in her early thirties who has so much to be grateful for - a wonderful relationship and an amazing little family, but she wants more for herself - she’s been unhappy and unfulfilled at her job for years and she can feel how it’s impacting the things she loves most. She’s beyond ready for a change - she wants to be doing what she loves, what lights her up and to get paid for it. But every time she tries to make a change, she’s stopped by an inner voice:

“I just don’t know enough yet, I need to know more before I can get started…I already have so much on my plate with this job and things to do around the house I don’t have time for anything else…Even if I did go for it, she’s doing it so much better than I ever could…No one would ever pay me to do that…I’m not good enough.”

Sound familiar? You are not alone. This is my story. And those are my limiting beliefs - my blocks.

What Are Blocks & Why Do We Have Them?  

You may know of blocks more fondly by these names: perfectionism, overwhelm, burn out, procrastination, inner criticism, comparison, and self doubt - just to name a few. These blocks show up as limiting beliefs - stories we tell ourselves and buy into - and they hold us back from reaching our goals and ultimately, from living the life of our dreams (see table below).

However, despite how it may seem, our blocks didn’t develop with the intent to hold us back, rather, they’re actually quite innocent and in fact, they are trying to protect us from something deeper. 

Perfectionism is a big one for me - it has shown up time and time again over the course of my life, and I can just about trace it back to when and why it developed. I have two older brothers. My oldest brother is on the autism spectrum and struggled with adapting to the public school setting and my middle brother is extremely intelligent so he didn’t have to try very hard and just coast through school. I tried very hard and I did well in school and that made me the “golden child,” the “good one,” mom and dad’s “favorite.” I saw everyone around me put me up on a pedestal, and it was then that I began to attach my performance and my achievements to my value - my worth. 

Perfectionism has tried to serve me by pushing me to always do my best - because my worth in the eyes of others was dependent on it - at least, that was the story I told myself. For years, decades even, perfectionism has been trying to protect that little girl in me from feeling the pain of letting people down or feeling unworthy because of not succeeding or not doing well. But in reality, perfectionism has been holding me back from stepping into my power and reaching my full potential out of fear that it won’t be good enough. That I won’t be good enough.

Moving Beyond Your Blocks: Curiosity & Compassion 

Everyone’s blocks are different; they show up differently, the limiting beliefs around them sound different, and they develop as a result of different experiences. But the path to healing them is the same. Moving beyond your blocks requires curiosity and compassion.  

If you have any experience with blocks and succumbing to limiting beliefs, you know all too well the heavy dose of shame and judgment that comes along with them. You have once again successfully blocked yourself from committing to your goal and you’ve turned to a pint of ice cream for comfort in the shadow of your complete and utter failings - No? Just me? But over the years, those blocks don’t go away, they keep showing up. It’s because beating yourself up, judging and shaming yourself for struggling to commit to your goals has never worked. So what does work? Curiosity and compassion. 

For just a moment, let’s try something new. Let’s try letting go of our judgment and shame, and instead, try choosing to get curious, and dig a little deeper. You’ll find that underneath those blocks, there are deep rooted fears: fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough - not being enough. If that feels heavy and uncomfortable, you are doing great - resistance is good! It means the greatest transformation is just around the corner, so stay with it. Lean into it. Now, instead of meeting that fear with judgment and shame, let’s try choosing to meet it with compassion - you’ll find that all it ever wanted was to be felt, to be seen, and to be held. To be validated. 

The Paradox of Transformation 

Through curiosity and compassion, ironically, you’ll find that the very thing you had been avoiding feeling - what your blocks were trying to protect you from feeling - is the doorway to what you deeply desire: safety, belonging, and worthiness. That is the Paradox of Transformation - a concept I learned from my coaching mentor, Alyssa Nobriga. When she shared this with me, and I applied it to my own transformation journey I couldn’t believe the results - the transformation. When I was courageous enough to feel the very thing I had been running from, hiding from - I was set free. My perfectionism melted away and I felt lighter, more open and expansive, and bursting with creativity and fervor that I hadn't felt in years. Which is why it is the foundation of the work I do as a coach. 

I’m not asking you to believe me - I am inviting you to experiment and see for yourself. Next time you set a goal, when resistance comes up, and that inner voice pops into your head - just notice it without judgment. Get curious, ask yourself, how is this trying to serve me? What is it protecting me from feeling? And when that feeling comes up - show it all of the love and compassion it’s ever needed.

In order to support The Modern Moms Village Community, Madison has generously offered to share a special offer for our members: